Just some words of wisdom from the only stuttering announcer in the business. Hey, if I can pull that off, this must be good! Here's some funny, some helpful, & some interesting stuff!

Anecdote:
I was a trumpet player from 2nd grade to 6th. Why did I stop playing? Well it was a combination of a few things. The kids in school used to tell me that trumpet playing would screw up my lips, make them thin & weird looking. At the time my private trumpet teacher was a guy named Frank who had the weirdest, thinnest lips around. I asked him during a lesson if it were true that trumpet playing would make your lips look weird. He replied, "Of course not, that's ridiculous, look at mine!" that was the last trumpet lesson I ever took. I picked up the guitar the next day!

Antidote:
When you are out of shaving cream, hair conditioner works just fine.

Artichoke:
The best artichoke in the world is found at my favorite Long Island Italian restaurant, La Bussola, it's located in Glen Cove. The breading, the sauce, the taste, is unbelievable! When you go tell the owner, Carlo, I sent you!

Antidote:
Stop the itching!
When I get a bad big mosquito bite I like to take my thumbnail & make a big x in the center of the bite, it seems to help the itch go away.

Antidote:
How to cure hiccups
Take a metal butter knife, fork, or spoon & put it in your mouth holding the handle part between your teeth, drink a glass of water while holding the metal utensil between your teeth, it works every time, I don't know why, I was a skeptical until I tried it.

Anecdote:
Dude, where’s MY penis!?
While on the set of Dude, Where's My Car?, (I played Gene, the guy that lives in the closet & urinates on the house plant), a big creative argument arose between director, Danny Liener, & star, Ashton Kutcher. The scene called for Ashton to come out of his bedroom in his underwear & sit on the living room couch. The problem; when Ashtom emerged from his bedroom in his tightie whities his meat weapon was just too visible to the eye, through his underpants! This was a problem since the film was only rated PG. Danny insisted that Ashton wear a pair of shorts to cover the meat monster. Ashton refused since he claimed that "his character" would not wear shorts when he slept & walked around the house. After listening to this debate for some time I offered the suggestion for Ashton to just put on another pair of underwear to help conceal this armadillo from the masses. Ashton then informed me that he was already wearing two pairs of underwear! Man, can this guy get any luckier. A multi-million dollar career before he hits 30, good looks, Demi Moore, & a baseball bat for a penis! I mean what am I being Punk'd! Man, I wanted to kick him in the gunny sack!

Anecdote:
The Inquisition
When I was in Junior High they put the stutterers of the school in a special "speech therapy" class. One of their ideas of "therapy" was having each kid, one by one, call information & ask for their own phone number. Each kid did it while the other 5 watched in horror, knowing their embarrassing turn was next! I stuttered mostly on the letter "M". Sadly enough my name was John Melendez, Living on Margaret road, in Massapequa! Let's just say, I'm glad I wasn't paying the phone bill!